Too Much Sake Will Make you Do Stupid Things
by aindah
Summary: Okita and Hijikata are on a stakeout. PWP. Yaoi. Oneshot.


"Oi, Okita! It's your turn to watch a bunch of shady-looking characters do nothing."

Okita got up, recovering from sleep-induced stupor. He took the binoculars, and sat on the uncomfortable chair placed in front of a curtainless window. Hijikata slumped onto the bed and lighted a cigarette. Absolutely pointless. An exercise in futility. He could not see why there was a need to watch over a group of small criminals, suspected of smuggling cigarettes. Who cared? It's not like they've killed someone. It's not like they go around spreading mayhem and destruction. After all, any self-respecting smoker bought his cigarettes from that suspicious character lurking around the stalls on the market. At least any self-respecting smoker who smoked as much as Hijikata did. He could feel the stiff muscles relax, his bones realigning after hours of sitting in an uncomfortable position.

Hijikata was stirred from his righteous slumber by some strange sensation arising in his nether regions. Before he managed to form a coherent thought, he saw a familiar figure fumbling around his pants, pulling them down for some reason. For a moment he thought that the sensation of him being swallowed was just an after-effect of that sweet dream he was having. Soon enough, the shinsengumi realized that the little sadistic prick was sucking on him. He uttered a surprised 'Oi!' before his head fell onto the pillow, letting out a loud moan. The lips, the tongue, the back of Okita's throat. Hijikata lifted his head and across his heaving chest he saw Okita moving up and down with a well established rhythm. Somehow, the little bastard successfully grinned at his victim. The proud vice-commander thought about pushing Okita away and beating the crap out of him, however, he decided to do it after he came. He slumped back and enjoyed himself, until he felt something unwanted. Hijikata realized that the little cocksucker had the best intention of plunging his fingers where they did not belong, and in a blink of an eye Okita found himself on the floor, gasping for air.

"Fucking asshole!" Hijikata screamed. "What do I look like to you!"

Okita licked his lips and grinned. The vice-commander was getting all upset; it always made him look absolutely adorable.

"You look like a bitch in heat. You sure pant and drool like one," he answered.

The next thing Okita felt was a sensation of terminally cold steel on his neck. He looked across the menacing blade and could not help but giggle. Hijikata was standing there, ready to strike, ready to go for the jugular. Otherwise, that would be a formidable scene, but this one was slightly marred by the fact that the angered shinsengumi had no pants and was still as hard as a rock.

"Laugh again. Please, laugh again. I'm gonna make that smile span from ear to ear literally, if you dare to laugh again."

Okita pushed the reluctant blade with two fingers and got up.

"Get over yourself. So I felt like fingering you a bit, what's the big fucking deal?"

Hijikata might have been able to disregard the words, but the manner in which Okita recited them made his blood boil. Like he was ordering coffee. An everyday statement. He jumped, pushing Okita against the wall, the sheath of his katana finding its way between Okita's ribs.

"You are aware that you're half-naked and obviously aroused?" Okita asked, grinning through the pain he felt from the unnatural distance created between two of his ribs. Hijikata pulled back, and his faced turned red. Wordlessly, he pulled his pants over his embarrassingly persistent erection, and left the seedy room with no intention of coming back.

* * *

Hijikata managed to stumble up the stairs and into the room. The shit-for-brains shinsengumi, referred to by many as Okita, slept peacefully on his bed. After a few futile attempts to avoid the small table, Hijikata pushed the useless piece of furniture against the wall, swearing to himself. He finally reached his bed.

After a few minutes he sat on the edge of his bed. There was not a chance he was going to fall asleep. He should have drank more. If he had, he wouldn't be doing this.

"Oi! Shitface! Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

"What the? Hiji-mayo...shut up!"

"This is a stakeout, remember?"

"Your shift started half an hour ago. I'm not doing your job," Okita mumbled and showed his back to the annoying vice-commander.

"Oi! Okitaaaaa..." Hijikata dragged out his name until the apathetic shinsengumi sat up.

"You drunk?"

"Sure am."

Okita looked as uninterested as ever, staring through Hijikata, willing him to disappear, to let him sleep.

"Okita, suck my cock," Hijikata blurted. The amount of sake was just perfect to put him in the mood. He would have fucked a vacuum cleaner if there was one around. However, Okita was the closest thing to a vacuum cleaner.

Okita's indifference flagged and was soon replaced by perverse curiosity.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I'm telling you to, fuckface."

"Again, why?"

"It's an order. Come here, and suck my cock!" Hijikata yelled in the most commanding voice he could muster.

"I don't remember a rule saying that I must commit seppuku if I refuse to obey the order to suck vice-commander's cock."

Okita was into it. He felt like dragging it on forever, making Hijikata annoyed, than angry, and finally, absolutely furious.

"It's a new rule," Hijikata said. He couldn't help but smile at their idiotic exchange. Both of them took a little time to breathe, to think of a new strategy to get what they wanted. Neither was successful, and the bantering continued.

"I'm gonna suck you off dry if you tell me what's in it for me?"Okita offered.

"You get the pleasure of sucking some vice-commander cock."

The most retarded excuse for a compensation. Ever.

"Not interested."

"What do you want?" Hijikata asked, somewhat timidly, anticipating what the perverse little sadist wants.

"Let me fuck you." Again, that _can-I-have-cafe-latte_ way of putting things.

"What? Who do you think I am?"

Okita was about to answer, but he gave the vice-commander enough time to react.

"Don't answer that, asshole."

"I'm sorry. I did not catch your answer."

"You're not getting anywhere near my ass." The shinsengumi in Hijikata (not Okita, a part of Hijikata's personality) said defensively.

"Then I'm not getting anywhere near that vice-commander cock."

Okita displayed a decisive decline of interest in the topic of sucking vice-commander cock, so Hijikata felt he had to raise the stakes. While the younger shinsengumi stared at the ceiling, the smugglers were starting to move. Neither of the two officers of the law were currently interested in those nefarious activities aimed at spreading lung cancer and respiratory difficulties.

"Oi!" Hijikata called for attention.

He was still sitting on the edge of his bed, facing Okita. Only this time his vicious grin was accompanied by complete nakedness and a sneak preview of an erection to be. Okita winced at the sight of the older man, naked, legs slightly spread, allowing his eyes to roam and wander. Vice-commander's intention was obvious; Okita was supposed to be tempted beyond control by the sight of a perfectly sculpted body, marred with a fissures showing that there was a history untold engraved in the skin. The effect of the exercise was barely visible. Okita's erection was restrained in his pants. Grunting because of the said restriction, he was well aware that two can play the game started by Hijikata's drunken hunger for release. So, he simply put a hand into his pants, and he smirked at the vice-commander, who grew more and more frustrated by his inability to seduce Okita. It was hard enough of a blow for Hijikata's male pride to even make an attempt at seducing a man, failing to succeed would be deadly.

As the saying goes: desperate times ask for desperate measures. Hijikata lifted his feet onto the bed, offering a full view. It was odd, but he did feel aroused beyond the effects of sake. Okita was masturbating, while watching him. That was enough to make a man let out a lustful gasp, and to start masturbating himself.

Okita wanted to jump the vice-commander, of course. Hijikata masturbating, putting himself on display unabashedly, and all that for a mere blow-job, made Okita's cock throb with delight. His nature could not help but marvel at the sight of a strong man, stripped of his pride. However, he knew the man's character. Hijikata's poor impulse control and lack of patience were sure to break the charade and make Hijikata do something impetuous, as usual. After all the careful consideration and planning, the vice-commander will end up acting purely on instinct. With that in mind, Okita loosened the grip on his cock to make sure he doesn't come before Hijikata made his move. He did not have to wait for long.

The mayonaise-loving, tobacco-smoking man jumped off of his bed, as soon as he saw Okita free his cock from its restraint. He was on top of Okita, pinning his hands, feeling insatiable desire as he felt the younger man move under him, rubbing erection against erection. All gone. There was no point in keeping up with pretences. He wanted that bastard's lips around his cock, he wanted to feel himself engulfed in the velvet of his mouth. Hijikata crawled, positioning himself on Okita's chest.

"Open your mouth, cocksucker," he said in a low voice, muffled by his need.

Okita did open is mouth only to say: "Hijikata, if you put that thing into my mouth I'm going to fuck you."

He shrugged off the remark, and closed Okita's nostrils with his left hand. As he saw his lips parting for a breath of air he thrusted himself deep inside, feeling victourious and defeated at the same time.

So there he was, a grown man, an accomplished swordsman, the vice-commander of the shinsengum, fucking the mouth of one of his subordinates. His face twisted in pleasure, his senses lost to his desires and his need. The man under him did not struggle even after Hijikata released him and put his palms against the wall, to get better leverage.

Again, just inches away from getting what he wanted, Hijikata felt Okita's fingers circling his anus, as if asking permission to enter. Because of the familiarity of the feeling, his reaction was belated and before he could protest he felt Okita's fingers curling inside of him.

After a while, Hijikata could not decide what felt better; the warmth and wetness of Okita's mouth or the the pair of fingers deep inside him. His indecisiveness made him move faster, forward, thrusting into Okita's mouth, and back, making sure those two fingers went as deep as possible. He let out a final moan and closed his eyes as he pulled out of Okita's mouth, almost sitting back to feel the scissoring fingers play inside of him.

In the haze of his lingering orgasmic bliss, Hijikata opened his eyes.

"Oi?" he said, panting. "What the fuck?" The question was directed at the sight of Okita's mouth still opened under his cock, and finally swallowing.

"What? You thought I'll let you come all over my face, bitch?"

Hijikata could not help it. He moved his body so he could allow himself a kiss on those wonderfully serving lips. But the kiss did not last long, because Okita decided to stop playing the helpless little boy. He turned Hijikata around to allow him access to where he wanted to be. He hated to admit it but he had enough of waiting. The sensation of Hijikata's hot cum, his willing acceptance of his fingers, and the sensation of his muscles squeezing them, made all control jump out of the window and run away with the smugglers.

"Okita! Don't you dare...Aaaaaaa."

* * *

"Hi-ji-ka-taaaa," Okita wailed.

"What, asshole?" came from the direction of the cigarette smoke.

"It's your turn..." he said with a voice of a child begging for a candy. The sadistic prick of a shinsengumi was quite capable of being cute when he felt like it. Warm and fuzzy. Prick.

"Screw you. My ass hurts, and there's no way I'm spending a minute sitting on that chair."

Okita stood up and threw the binoculars on Hijikata's chest.

"You can do it standing up," he said and his face was taken over by a vicious grin, transforming his child-like features into that of a man who knows how to get what he wants.


End file.
